I want a child.  Every fiber of my body is aching for a baby.  I have seen so many pictures recently of friends and friends of friends holding their newborns to their chests.  Of happy new relatives waiting to welcome a new little one to their families.  I am not sure I have ever desired something this deeply before.  Certainly I have never had a desire this strong that was this out of reach, or at least, this large a question mark.

You see, since I’m a single, gay woman, 90% of this is up in the air.  Somehow, deep in my heart resides a strong feeling that the child should have a close male and female in it’s upbringing.  The ideal situation I have dreamed up, would be to marry a woman, and we two would be best friends with a male couple.  Maybe we could even share a house, or at least be neighbors.  Then the four of us could create and raise a couple of kids together.  This way, the youngsters although they had gay parents, would have male and female ‘parents’ in their everyday lives.

Just to fill out what goes on in my mind.  Yes, adoption is an option, and somehow I believe that in such a case, the man/woman setup isn’t as necessary.  These youngsters have a need to be loved and cared and provided for.  If I were to birth a child myself, I just don’t feel like it would be fair to bring it into the world fully knowing it would have extra struggles ahead.  With an adoption, the children would already be here, and we would be helping them along in life, and they, us.  This imaginary, dreamed up, us, of course…

To round out and reiterate, my deepest desire is to have a child of my own.  To experience pregnancy, pass on my genes, experience one of the major stages of womanhood and feel that bond and love that belongs between a parent and child.  ::sigh::

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