I seem to be a very obligation bound individual. I often wonder if others feel this way too. It leads to a lot of stress and mental anguish over decision making. I feel like I need to have life scheduled out ahead also, compounding the issue. How do I break free of all of the above? The closer I get to the date of conflicting obligations, the more clearly I can see which is more important to me. But allowing the date to get that close before making the decision pains me so.
I have learned through this most recent conflict, that without a doubt people are what is most important to me. I feel it is important to meet and socialize with more gay folks- especially women. It helps me to see myself as less alone, and as totally typical. But my heart is with my church, the folks there (and choir in particular) are pretty much my second family. They don’t have to be gay too to earn my love and respect, and the same vice versa I have discovered. I belong there. With them. The specifics of who we are and where we have been don’t matter. Only love, respect and acceptance matters. Once you find them all together, you don’t let them go.